You know you're Australian if...

A bit late for Australia Day, (with the odd explanation for readers from overseas, who won't "get" some of these) but you know you're Australian if....

You know the meaning of 'girt' (In our national anthen we sing: "Our home is girt by sea")

You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk (worn as shorts)

You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse

When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom

You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs'refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds

You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'

You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highwayswith large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep

You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place

You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice asbig as its $2 coin

You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'WoyWoy' can't be called 'Woy'

You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up,at which point they again become Kiwis

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as theWagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year

You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U'

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose

You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call'Anzac cookies

You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off 'Neighbours'

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searchedby Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit

You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of blacktracky-daks, suitably laundered

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction

When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need tooffer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants