A bit late for Australia Day, (with the odd explanation for readers from overseas, who won't "get" some of these) but you know you're Australian if....
You know the meaning of 'girt' (In our national anthen we sing: "Our home is girt by sea")
You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk (worn as shorts)
You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom
You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs'refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'
You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highwayswith large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice asbig as its $2 coin
You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'WoyWoy' can't be called 'Woy'
You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread
You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up,at which point they again become Kiwis
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as theWagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U'
You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite
You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'
You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call'Anzac cookies
You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off 'Neighbours'
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searchedby Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit
You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of blacktracky-daks, suitably laundered
You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need tooffer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second
You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants